


It's a Cold and it's a Broken, Hallelujah

by MsAmyJacqueline



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Drug Addiction, Drugs, Harry Styles - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Mpreg Louis, Prostitution, Protectiveness, Substance Abuse, larry smut, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 03:09:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4247082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsAmyJacqueline/pseuds/MsAmyJacqueline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an impending darkness, one that is sure to swallow him whole, Harry finds his source of light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Cold and it's a Broken, Hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

> The song is "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, but the version I used for this fic is the cover of it done by John Cale.  
> Enjoy!

_"I've heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music do ya?"_

His voice was like soft music to my ears. It was a sweet melody that had the ability to calm me. I always needed to be calm. No matter what, me being calm was the best thing for everyone.

_"It goes like this, the fourth the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift. The baffled king composing Hallelujah."_

His heart was the steady drum beat I needed to always reassure me that he was still alive and breathing. The steady _tha-thump_ let me know that there was nothing harming my precious angel.

_"Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah"_

His name was Louis. God how I loved the way his name rolled off of my tongue. I loved the fact that he could love me, even after knowing who I really am.

_"Your faith was strong but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you."_

Making love to Louis in the middle of the night, with the only source of light being the moon, was my favorite thing. The way he would writhe under me, panting. The sweet little sounds he would allow to escape his pink, plump lips. How his eyes would flutter closed, and his eyelashes would brush the top of his delicate, pretty cheek bones. I worshiped the the way his back dipped down at the base, just to rise back up and form the one thing that made me go crazy. I loved tracing my fingers down his spine, drawing small patterns in with my fingertips as I watched the moonlight dance across his tanned skin.

_"She tied you to her kitchen chair, she broke your thrown, she cut your hair. And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah. "_

Meeting Louis was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me, even if it wasn't under the best circumstances. I was entranced with his beauty from the very beginning. He had my soul captivated, and it didn't wish to be set free.

_"Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah."_

The lighter flame hitting the bottom of the spoon, and the crackle of the deadly substance it contained never seemed to bother him. I knew he didn't like it, hell, he hated it. I tried to stop for my blue eyed beauty, but nothing worked. I'd always fall right back into the dark enclosed room, tube tied around my right arm, and the syringe in my left hand.

_"Maybe I've been here before, I've known this room and walked this floor. I used to live alone before I knew you."_

Before I was graced with the ball of energy that is Louis, I was in deep. Every day I would lock myself in the dark, letting the lighter be my only source of light. I would litter my arm with injection marks only to have a short while of euphoria.

_"I see your name on the marble arch, and love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken, Hallelujah. "_

Louis never once questioned the numerous times I would come home, dazed with dark paths of crimson running down the front of my chest. He never questioned what dark, demented thing I had done under the influence of the poison I oh so loved, but I knew he had to have known. He'd watched me clean the blade, and stayed utterly silent the whole time. Not even giving it a second glance as soon as it was put away in its special case, right next to the chemicals that I oh so often indulged in.

_"Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah"_

I often wondered how my darkness affected Louis, but I was never able to let my only source of light go. It was selfish, but I knew he had his own problem. Staying out late at night just trying to make money, I had met him that way. Both of us standing under a dulled street lamp trying to find the next buyer just so we could go back and pay our dealer for what little bit of substance we needed. He never stopped, but I did. I went onto something worse, but he still never questioned me.

_"There was a time you let me know, what's really going on below, but you never show it to me, do ya?"_

I always felt a sudden dread every time Louis would leave the house for his shift on the streets. I was always fearing for what would become of the beautiful body I had grown to cherish, and the tainted soul I had grown to love. There was nothing I was afraid of more than something awful happening to him. I would give up every ounce of heroin just to ensure that he was okay. Oh, but only if I actually could.

_"I remember when I moved in you, and the Holy dove was moving too, and every breath we drew was Hallelujah."_

Every breath Louis took I praised. I would sometimes sit up at night and listen to his breathing, just to make sure that he still was. There was never a time I didn't thank God for him, but there was also never a time I didn't thank God for Heroin.

_"Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah. "_

Sitting in this dark and dingy cell, I wish I could take back everything. I wish I could take back everything, but Louis. I wish I could take back the drugs, the dark spaces, and the several miscarriages.

_"Now maybe there's a god above, but all I ever learned from love, was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you."_

The blood that I had seen coming out of Louis after he had lost the first life we had created sent me into a spiral of drunken depression. He hadn't taken it any better. He held his poison, Tina, close to him at all times, tricking more and more just to numb the pain. The second one came as a shock, and wasn't mine. It was one of his numerous client's. By the third and fourth one, he had been revoked of his child bearing privileges. The last one was further along than the others, already causing my loves stomach to swell beautifully. He had been around 17 weeks, and this one had most definitely been mine. Louis had stopped tricking a few months before, and had gotten a real job at a dingy little bar, serving drinks.

_"It's not the cry that you hear tonight, and it's somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken, Hallelujah."_

After the death of our unborn child, and the last one we would ever have to go through, Louis continued working at the bar, and I continued working as a hit man. That's what landed me in here, not being a hit man, but Louis working at the bar. I had been walking down the alley behind the bar to go and pick my beauty up after his shift, when I hear a ear piercing scream. I saw red. My body was taken over by an animalistic rage, making me tear the scum that was assaulting my Louis away from him. Seething when it saw the blood that was leaking from between Louis' legs, I had pulled out my blade and cut off the very organ that had been inside of and ripped my precious Lou. I carved several long gashes into the monster thighs, not hearing the pleads and cries of Louis in the background, nor did I hear the approaching sirens.

_"Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah"_

The last time I had seen Louis where there wasn't a glass screen between us, was as a police officer was pinning me down and cuffing me. I remember looking into his glassy blue eyes, and taking in his beautiful, tear stained face. He was staring at the officer as if he had just ruined his life, trying to plead with the officer, telling him that I was only protecting him. It didn't work though, and one last kiss was all I got before I was pushed into the back of a police car, and Louis was put onto a stretcher in the back of an ambulance. I still see Louis every weekend, but it's not the same. I'm thankful I hadn't killed that guy, thankful that I'm not convicted for murder. A lifetime without my Lou would be a lifetime wasted. A lifetime without ever being to hold his delicate body against my broader one, would not be a lifetime worth living. I wait until the day that I am let out of here, wait until the day that I can kiss his precious mouth again. 17 years isn't very long, when you know you have something marvelous to wait for.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
